I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
