Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
