Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
