I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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