if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
