He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
