Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
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She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
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This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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