The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
i believe in u and ur pee
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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