Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
