so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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