Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
