goodnight i made you a song goodbye
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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