first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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