I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
