I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
