dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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