I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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