I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
