I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
