did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
