But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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