Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
