Please, let me fuck your mom
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
