i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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