Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
