Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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