I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
