ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
COCAINE IS GR8
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
