i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
So. Much. Porn.
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