sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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