So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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