there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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