I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
