not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
