I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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