What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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