im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
