I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
