when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
