I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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