I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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