I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
