I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
