Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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