I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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