Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
