Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Are my feet made of real feet?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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