just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
