my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
