he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you didnt know i had herpes?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
