Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
