every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
