Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
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That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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