I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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