Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
