and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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