I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
