Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
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I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
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