Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
