is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
